April Fool's Day

It has been a long time. We are happy to be back. April Fools Day- a day that only few actually celebrate. I have come to realize that the celebration of the 1st day of April is for those who were raised by the foolers of April themselves. I grew up with a Dad who owned a novelty store so fake rubber bodily waste (sprinkle water on it and it looks more fresh), fake rubber vomit (chunks included [see above water comment]), whoppie cushions, life-size cut outs, buzzing handshakes, snapping gum packages, leaking gum (as seen in Pee Wee's Big Adventure), electric whoppie cushions (a big seller), and much more. April Fool's day at the McGuire home created a lot of anxiety, you always had to be on your toes. Moral of the story is that April Fool's day doesn't pass by without a greeting from me. Fortunately, and I hope it will always be this way, I cannot bring myself to nominating Emily as my annual victim, in stead I am somehow always drawn to Emily's dear mother Jane.
Jane started off on the 1st of April with numerous random phone calls from excited potential male customers responding to her newly placed ad on Craigslist stating she had just graduated from massage/therapy school and that she is trying to build her clientele, therefore she was offering free massages in order to start her new career. This one worked well; however, the grand-daddy of this years project was a letter from "The Department of Record Acquisition".


Dear Sister Jane Myers,
As directed by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we, as the Record Acquisition department, have completed an extensive search through all of the records of the members of the Church in order to determine if there are any past mistakes that need immediate assistance and modification.
After reviewing the records of the Spokane, Washington area from the years 1959-1969, we have found that we have no record of your baptism, which requires immediate attention and action.
Due to this unfortunate oversight, you and other members who are in similar situations will be required to be re-baptized in order for the Church to have correct records of your baptism.
It is regrettable that this event has occurred; however, it is necessary for all members to have every ordinance on record in order to be recorded on earth and in heaven.
Please contact your stake president and make an appointment in order to set-up your re-baptism date and time as soon as possible. Remember that you will need someone to baptize you as well as two witnesses. All paperwork will be provided by your ward mission leader. Thank you for your faith and consideration of this error. We appreciate your willingness to make this correct.


Sincerely,
Brother Matthew Taylor
Director of the Department of Record Acquisition


Everything worked out well. It was a successful 4/1. My Dad always told my siblings that the more Garrett teases you the more he loves you!